VC Tears

VCs turned you down?

Don't worry! We collected their tears from all their failed investments and created this premium hand wash, guaranteed* to help you with your next fundraising.

* not really guaranteed
Get it now

Hand wash from the tears * of top VCs
*does not contain tears

Instructions for best results

Meditate

Find a quiet place and start repeating the universal entrepreneurial mantra:

I pitch with passion and a clear plan,
I attract venture capitalists who understand.

Apply

Apply to your hands, lather, and rinse off thoroughly (external use only).

Repeat before going to an investor's meeting as many times as needed.

Test

Avoid contact with eyes. Testing the product on a small area before using it for the first time. Should you develop any symptoms or allergic reactions, discontinue its use immediately and consult your healthcare professional.

If you fail raising any funding, consider joining a VC as an intern or starting a Bitcoin project.

“After selling my latest bootstraped company, I thought I'd check in on the top VCs, but to my surprise, they were in shambles.

As they bowed before me, the Ultimate Founder, they recounted their tales of woe - lost capital in NFTs, web3, and companies generating $100 per year. They even talked about fleeing to Miami for some reason.

But as the Ultimate Founder, I saw an opportunity to turn their pain and misery into profit by creating a powerful product for entrepreneurs - a hand wash that gives me the mental clarity and strength to build value. Who needs venture capital when you have clean hands and a sharp mind? ”.

Guaranteed to boost your fund raising

Lone wolf

Perfect after ice baths and elevator pitches

$24.99

Get it
  • Free shipping anywhere in the world 📦
  • You can expense it to your company!
  • 300ml / 10.14 fl. oz. of pure awesomeness
10% Discount

Pack of two

Give the power of VC tears to a friend

$44.99

Get it
  • Package of 2 (for a gift or for Series A)
  • Free shipping anywhere in the world 📦
  • You can expense it to your company!
  • 300ml / 10.14 fl. oz. of pure awesomeness
20% Discount

Threesome

Package of 3 😏

$59.99

Get it
  • Package of 3 (perfect for IPOs)
  • Free shipping anywhere in the world 📦
  • You can expense it to your company!
  • 300ml / 10.14 fl. oz. of pure awesomeness

Frequently asked questions

How long does it take to arrive?

Shipping times are like Startups: sometimes you go viral with just a Reddit post but most of the times it takes up to 20 days to get your package. Be patient.

After your order is processed, you'll get an email with tracking information to see exactly where your package ended up (hopefully your address)

What's your refund policy?

No refunds but you might get a high-five (if you are in Los Angeles)

Does it really contain tears?

VCs never cry. Even when they lose tons of money (it's not their own money). So the answer is **maybe**. But to be more exact, no, it doesn't.

What are the ingredients?

98% natural origin of total
Fragrance from natural essential oils
Vegan

Aqua/ Water, Sodium Coco-Sulfate, Sodium Cocoamphoacetate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Citric Acid, Betaine, Coco-Glucoside, Parfum/ Fragrance, Sodium Chloride, Benzyl Alcohol, Vaccinium, Myrtillus (Blueberry) Fruit Extract*, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Limonene**, Linalool**, Citral**, Citronellol**.
*Ingredients from Organic Farming
**From natural essential oils
98% natural origin of total
COSMOS NATURAL certified by ECOCERT Greenlife according to COSMOS Standard available at
https://COSMOS.ecocert.com